And so it begins

As the name of my blog implies although not forty, or fit, or even fabulous, these are all what I hope and plan to be in two years time. I am giving myself two years to lose weight and be in a good position to start the rest of my life. So........ My statistics are as follows:-

1. Age: 37 (38 this year on the 8th of Dec)
2. Height: 172cm
3. Starting Weight: 108.7kg
4. Dress Size: 20

Ideally I'd like to be 68kg or a comfortable size 12-14.

I started a 8 week weightloss challenge with some close friends, my husband, my sister Kimi and her husband. We had our first weigh in after two weeks and we all lost. So as of last night my new weight is 107.4kg. So a good start to the challenge considering I did no dieting or exercising the entire fortnight. Mind you, the first week I was hectic busy, up every morning at 5.30am and on my feet all day till I hit the bed 11 or 12 at night. And I noticed in the business and chaos of the day I ate only when necessary and I noted that I ate well rather than the usual junk I eat. So that week put me in a good position to start the challenge.

However, now that we have had our first fortnightly weigh in it has made me more aware of how much I have to do to get a lower figure next weigh in. So yesterday before weigh in the husband and I decided to start on the Atkins diet which we did successfully in New Zealand around 8 years ago. During that time my husband shed nearly 30 kilos and I dropped 2 dress sizes going from a size 20 to 16. So we both felt comfortable and confident in that program. So after having steak and eggs for breakfast lunch and tea yesterday I was so over it.

So today I woke up and made a wonderful tuna, onion and boiled egg mix and wrapped it in lettuce and ate them like wraps, they were yum, fresh and light unlike the heavy 4 massive steaks and four fried eggs that I had eaten just before going to bed. And the surprising thing was when I weighed myself this morning I weighed 106.4kg? Go figure? My boys grizzled for milkshakes and the husband couldn't work the blender, so begrudgingly I get up and show them all how to make them and I was so not happy. I could smell the ice cream, the chocolate topping smelt delicious, and I couldn't have any of it so I was not happy. I started getting grumpy with every one and every thing my husband said or did irritated me to no end so I had to get out of there. So off for some retail therapy. Off to the shops to buy something I can eat which resulted in me buying some comfort food which I had to come home and prepare which was surprising very therapeutic. So when I finally got to sit down and eat my creation it was all the more sweeter. So many wonderful sensations running through my mouth as I take another mouthful of prawns sauteed in copious amounts of butter with ample crushed garlic. And to ensure I don't get bloated and feeling heavy I have added fress brocoli, shedded sugarloaf cabbage, red capsicum and plenty of mushrooms. The vegetables are still crunchy and I get that hard hitting flavour of garlic in every bite. I'm surprised by the strong creamy flavour of the Australian Bay green prawns that I have just brought from Bi Lo for $14 / kilo as they are soft and full of flavour which hasn't happened for me in a long time, so a good score there. Nothing beats comfort eating at a time like this.

So why the desire to lose weight? So many reasons, the obvious, I have arthritis in the back which is very debilitating and will only get worse. I am outgrowing my size 20 clothes. I am unfit and can't participate in fun things that I like to do for example when we go to Brisbane we have theme park passes and I don't go on the rides (which I love) because I am afraid I wont fit in the seats or the safety harnesses, and that goes for plane seats etc, not a good feeling when I'm pressed hard up against the person next to me. I could go on, and on, and on. So you get the idea.

Why blog about it? I am aware that I have an eating disorder, I am also aware that unless I address this, no amount of weight loss is going to solve it, as has happened in the past I have piled the weight back on. So through blogging about it I feel I might be able to reflect and gain some self awareness as I go along this trial. I'm hoping to find some self truths and take away a lot of the shame and guilt I feel due to my weight and size. I also need something to keep my mind busy and off the fact that I want to eat everything and anything I can get my hands on.

So, I am hopeful, I am motivated and I am unsure and scared all at the same time. I have no discipline and therefore, making a record and making it public might give me the motivation I need.